You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
