420 ftw
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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