When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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