I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
