You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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