i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
