I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I could fuck to npr.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
