Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
