I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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