A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
