that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
We had to coat check the pizza.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
