You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
