You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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