She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
