Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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