I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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