It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize