Your face is a jimmy john
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
