So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
