hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
