i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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