He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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