It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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