hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
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