Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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