Don't you send me to vm
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
