I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
