sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
