On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
high people should be assigned attendants
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
23 Absolutely Despicable Things That People Have Actually Done
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
25 Disturbing Facts That Will Make You Question Everything
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.