whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I think this conversation is over.
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The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
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Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.