Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
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I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
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If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.