I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
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