remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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