he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though