I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
