your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
zippers are such a cool invention
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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