There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
