All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
