Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
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