I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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