i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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