Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
