dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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