i already hear my dad disowning me
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
