What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
