So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
