I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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