loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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