his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
There r osticjed everywhere
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
