Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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