operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
