I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
