HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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