those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
