Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
