is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize