my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
