so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
