I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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