you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
