Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
