Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
