ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
