the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
