question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Randomize
