So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
