yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize
