when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
