So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
