She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Randomize
