Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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