You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
