My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
