Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
