Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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