After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
