Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
