CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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