We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
She bit a glass in half.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
