Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize
