Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
