That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
