Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
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