i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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