For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
