My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
