I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
