he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
