this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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