We're facebook friends in real life
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
