all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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