I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
