Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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