I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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